More than a Man
by Travelling One
- Email: travelling_one@yahoo.ca
- Web: http://travellingone.com
- Season: 6-7; tag to Orpheus
- Summary: Daniel's regained a few more memories, since
saving Ryac and Bra'tac on Erebus.
- Related episode: Revelations, Abyss, Smoke and Mirrors,
Orpheus
July 2008
“
I’m
accused of a murder I didn’t commit; how do you think I’m doing?”
What
a question. Thing was, Daniel probably would have asked the same thing,
meaning well but also knowing the answer, so there was no reason to get
so irritated with Jonas. It just seemed that everything Jonas did
irritated him. Just the fact that Jonas was Jonas was irritating. The
fact that Jonas wasn’t Daniel. The fact that he should’ve been.
Maybe he’d get over that one day. Maybe not.
And
maybe it was a good thing Daniel couldn’t see him like this, locked in
a claustrophobic detention cell at Peterson with his freedom tightly
wrapped in
a freeze-dried packet, recent history, recent luxury, his very life at
risk for
killing a presidential candidate.
Supposedly
killing; his innocence was known by the real killer and probably most
of the NID, yet he was powerless to contradict the planted evidence.
The public was being spoon-fed a very convincing pack of lies.
All he’d done was go away for a long weekend, a much needed R and R.
What a welcome back.
Who could hate him this much?
Jack
rubbed his face with his hands, despising the sight that greeted him
every
time he opened his eyes. Bars, a cot, a combo sink and ugly little
toilet
without privacy. At least on Goa’uld ships or in naquadah mines there
was a chance of escape or rescue. And usually, someone to joke with
about the need for curtains and paint.
Not to mention in a
couple of days he’d be confined in a civilian prison in proximity to
all those in Washington who wanted him out of the way, rubbing elbows
and hopefully nothing else with the worst of society’s
felons.
God, what a mess.
Lying back on
the uninviting mattress, forcing his eyes to remain closed, Jack tried
not to ponder the extent of his future. Or the length of it, if his
team couldn’t prove him innocent.
Soon. Funny thing was, he wasn’t even
certain he’d convinced
them.
Well, not until Carter found the mimic
devices were frauds, bless that brain of hers. They still couldn’t use
that evidence in court, though. His team needed a convincing miracle, a
ruse to pull the wool over everyone else’s eyes the way NID was trying
to do. They needed a spectacular set-up of their own… they needed a
long shot or his life was forfeit.
Would the president hang him
out to dry for the sake of the Stargate program? Yahsureyabetcha. The
man’s hands were tied. And that, unfortunately, was the point. The
president, for all his supposed power, was just a man, and he had
others to answer to.
Speaking of which, how humiliating to be brought out to Jonas and
Teal’c in chains. Especially Jonas.
“Oy,” Jack sighed out loud, turning over and trying not to think.
Carter and Teal’c wouldn’t let him fry. Maybe Jonas would even help
come up with something. He was at least as smart as Daniel.
But
not half as dedicated, or stubborn, or pushy, although he was trying
hard to convince them of his loyalty. Of course he was; the guy had
nowhere else to
go.
Plus he felt guilty for Daniel’s death. The rest of
the team had made sure to make sure of that.
“Crap.” He couldn’t let himself keep thinking.
Carter
and Teal’c and Hammond... and Jonas would come up with something,
before the public called for his head or an infinite stay at
Leavenworth DB … if it wasn’t already too late. The public;
right. If they
knew what was good for them they ought to be celebrating Kinsey’s
demise.
“Damn it. I didn’t
do
it.”
“Everyone at the SGC knows that, Jack.”
“What?”
Jack’s eyes flew open, as he rolled over and shot up into a sitting
position. This time not just the sight of bars greeted him.
Daniel
was leaning against the sink - how he managed that Jack had no idea -
dressed in his off-white pullover and slacks, and looking well, for a
ghost.
“Daniel.” Jack paused, feeling an odd, inexplicable
sense of relief wash through him, even though nothing had changed; he
was still in a military holding cell charged with murder, and Daniel
couldn’t do a damn thing about it. “It’s not Groundhog Day.”
“No. Told you I couldn’t come then.”
“Yes, you did. Yet you come only when I’m at my worst. Got a
masochistic side of you I don’t know about?”
“If you don’t want me to see you like this, stop getting yourself into
trouble.”
“How
do you always know, anyway? You keeping an eye on us?” Jack already
figured there was only one answer to that, and the realization was
sweet. So, he hadn't been in the darkest recesses of emotional insanity
last time, after all.
Daniel smiled ruefully. “Something like that.”
Jack
let that sink in, for a moment. Guardian angel Daniel. Had a ring to
it. Would’ve had a ring even if his name was Angus. Backup from the
beyond… with limits, although with Daniel, stubborn pushy Daniel, there
was always a way around limits. “Well, I’m not being tortured, not even
in danger of losing my soul, so you don’t need to ascend me. Why are
you here?” So maybe he was overdoing the nonchalant attitude; Daniel
wouldn’t have expected anything less. Or more.
“You tell me.”
“Well, busting me out with a Goa’uld ship won’t help this time, so….”
“You’re facing death row if SG-1 can’t clear your name.”
“Ah. You do want to ascend me.”
“I want to cheer you up.”
Making a show of looking around the cell, Jack replied, “And you’ll do
that by…?”
“Keeping you informed as to how the investigation is going.”
“Right. Letting me know how their hands are tied in confidentiality.”
“If you’d rather mope, I can leave.”
“Hey!” A brief shadow of desperation and doubt passed across Jack’s
face. “Don’t you dare.”
Yeah. Daniel’s eyes still told all; they hadn’t been able to take that
from him, yet.
“If you’re transferred out of here, you know, to a penitentiary… I’ll
watch out for you.”
“Yeah. Sure. And how do you plan to do that, exactly?” Jack scoffed.
“Keep an eye out. Warn you of anything… if anything’s, um, going down.”
“Daniel, look, stay away from there. It’s no place for a guy like you.”
“Or you.”
Jack
grimaced. “Don’t worry, I won’t be there that long. There’s bound to be
someone inside who liked Kinsey and will feel the need to retaliate.”
Daniel
shifted, uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking
and with his friend’s dark mood. Jack was innocent; there was no way
he’d let him go through that, not this time. If he did nothing he was
no better dead than alive. How long could he watch his friends suffer,
without interfering? Maybe ascension wasn’t a gift after all; maybe it
was all a joke and he was really stuck in Hell, paying for his former
corporeal inability to make a difference. “It won’t come to that.”
After
a few moments of silence during which Jack subdued his own dismal and
distressing images, he asked, “So how is it the … Others, they let you
keep coming to keep me company?”
“They know I won’t stop trying, so meeting me halfway is less
troublesome. Sitting with you is harmless.”
“In other words, you’ve been annoying them.”
“If you want to put it that way.”
“Well… this time I suppose they know there’s nothing you can do.”
“Except keep you informed.”
“About how close I am to death row?”
“I won’t let that happen.”
“Daniel…
you can’t do a damn thing about it; this is Earth. And somehow I doubt
the Others would want a convicted murderer in their midst of glowing
angels.”
“Everyone up here knows you didn’t do it, Jack.”
“Yeah, well, so does Kinsey’s ghost, but he’s not talking either.”
"He's not up here."
"If he was, I'd say you went the wrong direction."
“Sam and Teal’c… and Jonas… will clear your name.”
Jack
squinted at his extraterrestrial friend, an expression of suspicion,
hope, and doubt giving away his concerns. “They will? You know that?”
“I have faith.”
“Something you’re not telling me?”
“No. Not yet. But I know they won’t let you die, Jack. And I know they
won’t let you rot in prison, either.”
“Oh? You know that, do you? It may not be up to them.”
“They’ll come up with something.”
“How can you
know
that, Daniel? How can you be so sure, this time? We’re talking about
Earth, here. Things don’t always end the way we want.” We couldn’t save
you, much
as we wanted to. Sometimes intentions and desire don’t always prevail.
“Because
I
don’t give up, Jack.”
“But you can’t
do
any…”
thing, Daniel.
Jack stopped, knowing Daniel had already bent the rules once, just
enough to get away with it. His cleverness and intellect… and fierce
loyalty… might be too great a test for beings who had been brought up
in innocence. If Daniel could plant a trace of doubt in some judge’s
mind, unearth a fingerprint or two … “Oh.”
“Trust me.”
For
the first time since returning from Minnesota, Jack allowed a small
hope to wash over him, a trace of a smile offered by default. “I can do
that.” God. It felt good to have Daniel back on his team, and what kind
of a weird thought was
that? “So.” Jack eyed him dubiously. “You’re still liking
it up there?”
The reply wasn’t as swift this time. Daniel missed a beat. “I’m good.”
Jack
looked deeply into his friend’s eyes. It was good to see those eyes
again. Hard to appreciate in a cell of torture, but this time, if
Daniel told him he’d be alright, he could at least relax a little. For
some not so strange reason, Jack believed him. Believed
in him,
as much as ever. Daniel still had his soul, and his conscience. He also
believed Daniel had more power than he let on; more than he let the
Others even realize. But he had to be prudent, tread gently. Not all
was perfect. “Daniel?” Jack probed.
Daniel shrugged. “Not as
powerful as I’d hoped. I’m learning so much… but if I can’t use any of
it…” he let his introspection trail off.
“Should I be worrying about you again?”
“No. No, Jack.” That reply was sharp and quick… and hiding something.
“Daniel - "
A sudden frown splashed across Daniel’s features. “I have to go,” he
said abruptly.
“Hey! You said you’d stay - "
“I’ll be back.”
“Look, if I said something wrong, something you don’t want to talk
about, I take it back. Pretend I - ”
But Daniel was suddenly not there any more.
There
were footsteps, then the cell door opened to the sound of a buzzer, and
in strolled a guard, cautiously, with a plate of food, two others
blocking the doorway. Room
service, perk of military isolation.
This time, they didn’t seem
so threatening. This time, Jack could look them in the eye without
feeling shame and dread. This time, he might even be able to eat some
of that.
“Thanks,” he whispered.
“You’re welcome,” the
guard responded, clanging the door shut as he exited. “By the way, you
know, they’ve brought someone in for questioning. Some people don’t
believe you did it.” He shrugged as the three highly armed men turned
to walk away.
This time, Jack smiled. He had friends in high
places... and he meant way higher than Kinsey or the president, who, as
everyone knew, was just a man.
_____
The doorbell
rang twice before Jack could pick himself up and answer. The momentary
annoyance drifted into confusion; it was 8:30 pm and he’d only just
left the mountain …okay, well, it
felt
like he’d only just left the
mountain. How time flew when one was no longer trying to save a
teammate and his enslaved son and mentor from the clutches of
Goa’uld-brainwashed bullying jackasses.
“Daniel.” For a moment Jack
stared dumbly, before stepping aside to let his teammate enter. It
still came as a shock to see Daniel standing there, flesh and blood and
actually ringing doorbells to get his attention. “It’s almost late.”
“I know. Got a beer?”
Jack huffed. “You don’t like beer.” He scrunched up his eyes. “Or has
that not come back to you yet?”
“No, I remember. And that’s actually, um, what I need to talk to you
about.”
“Beer? Sure.”
“No. Things I remember.”
“Ah.”
Jack slipped into the kitchen to get one beer, and one coffee. Daniel
was stalling, he suspected, using beer to break the ice. “I’ve got ice
cream. Want some?”
“Uh, later, maybe.”
So Daniel was still planning to be here later? That talk must be…
Essential. Maybe two beers and a large pot of coffee.
Returning
to the living room with his open bottle and an empty mug, which he
placed on the table in front of Daniel with a reassuring, “It’s
coming,” Jack threw his friend an opener. “Things you remember. This
have anything to do with remembering Ryac and Bra'tac were enslaved on
that planet, about which you recalled all sorts of nifty
details?” Daniel wasn’t, by any chance, beating himself up
over
that again, was he? About doing nothing as an impotent ascended being?
“Um.”
Make that a yes. “Look, Daniel - ”
“I remember more.”
Jack’s eyebrows rose. “From when you were an impotent ascended being?”
The
description had the affect of a kick to the gut, and Jack watched
guiltily as Daniel’s face fell from one of earnestness to one of shame.
“Hey, I was kidding.”
“No, you were right. Completely. Jack… Teal’c told me I came to visit
him when I was ascended.”
Jack paused in his response. What to say to that? “Yes, so he says.”
“And then it came back to me, like scenes from a dream that suddenly
coalesce and
make sense. I tried to take care of him when he was sharing his
symbiote and dying.”
“You made a difference to him, Daniel.”
“Did I make a difference to you in Ba’al’s chamber of horrors?”
“What?”
Jack looked up sharply, caught off guard. This time the kick had
slammed him instead; he'd kept that out of his report intentionally. He
got up to take Daniel’s empty mug, smelling the
coffee brewing, or hoping it was, and left the room.
Daniel
waited, knowing he probably should have left that topic in its coffin
and buried forever. But he couldn’t. He had to talk about this.
“Here.
There’s more if you want. When, I mean. When you want.” Jack put the
mug down and sat back in his armchair, feet up. He fiddled with his
half-empty bottle of beer, unable to meet Daniel’s searching,
guilt-filled eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Still, Jack kept his eye on the label, smudging off the
condensation with his thumb.
“For watching you be tortured and doing nothing.”
With
a deep sigh, Jack finally looked up at his friend. “You didn’t do
nothing, Daniel. Your presence got me through that, and you knew it or
you wouldn’t have been there.”
“You wanted more, and I refused.”
“You refused because you knew your hands were tied, Daniel. I didn’t
understand that then, but I do now. And you should too.”
“I
remember what was happening to you. I can’t believe I didn’t try
something anyway. I can’t believe… I let you go through that.”
“Daniel… you did something. You helped the team find a way out for me.”
“It took too long.”
“Yeah,
well, you did offer me ascension.” The thought of that even now made
Jack both chuckle and shudder. Daniel’s downcast gaze and silence
wasn’t
going to screw with him, though. He narrowed his eyes. “Jack O’Neill,
ascended all-knowing being. Kind of an oxymoron, don’t ya think?” No
response; what was really going on? “Daniel, it just wasn’t what I
wanted at the time. I wanted more, I wanted out. But I understand why
you wanted me to agree to it.”
Daniel’s response surprised him. “No you don’t.”
“I
don’t? I was losing my soul in that sarcophagus. There was no viable
means of escape, and no rescue on its way. You wanted to save whatever
part of me was salvageable.”
“Yes, I did…”
“But?”
“Not but.
And.
And I wanted you up there with me… kind of, well… really badly.”
Jack coughed, not from his beer. “Why?”
Daniel looked at him in surprise. “
Why?”
“You missed me?” As the words left his lips, Jack couldn’t figure out
if he’d meant that as a joke.
Daniel
peered into his empty mug, then stood up. “It’s when time. More
coffee.” He left for the kitchen, taking his time before coming back
out. Taking even more time sitting down, getting comfortable. He
changed the subject, sort of. “I remember more. I remember you being
imprisoned here on Earth.”
Jack’s eyes were still on him. “You remember that?”
Daniel nodded. “You’d been accused of killing Kinsey.”
“Yeah.”
The reminder brought a sour, sick feeling back to his stomach, a
haunting dread that felt as physical now as it had then. Jack stared
into his mind, the events of a year before coming back as if they were
yesterday. He cleared his throat. “You remember coming to me in the
holding cell?”
Daniel nodded. “And doing nothing but talking. That’s all I was ever
allowed to do,
talk.”
“No. You did a hell of a lot more than that.”
“But not what I really wanted to do.”
“You came back and told me Kinsey wasn’t dead. You have to know what
that did for me.”
“I
wanted to tell everyone who the shooter really was. I wanted to free
you, right then and there. I wanted to blow Ba’al’s fortress. I wanted
to warn Teal’c and Bra’tac about the ambush…” Daniel’s voice followed
his eyes, trailing off into the past.
“Look… you have to know
what it was like for us to suspect you were watching, looking out for
us, doing even little things. Well okay, Carter didn’t know, but geez,
what a relief, Daniel. For me to believe you were alright. To think we
might have a chance when it looked like we didn’t.”
“Some
chance,” Daniel scoffed. “I was there when Sam’s DNA was rearranged by
Niirti, and I couldn’t do a damn thing. I really wanted to break that
machine, Jack.”
It was becoming clear to Jack just how frustrated Daniel must have
been. “You were there? Why didn’t you show yourself?”
“Sam
was never alone, she had all of you around her. No matter how much I
wanted to do, how much I wanted to help, all I was able to do was give
comfort, and she didn’t need that.”
“Yeah, like hell she didn’t.”
“Colonel. We need to
talk."
"I don't want to hear it, Carter."
"You can't just pretend this didn't happen.”
“I'm
not pretending anything. This is the job. We lose people all the time.”
He kept his back turned to Carter, one step ahead as he walked, unable
to look her in the eye.
“We're talking about Daniel.”
“What do you want me to
do? He's gone. We've got work to do.”
That
first mission after Daniel’s death had not been enough to divert Carter
for long. Once back on base, she’d finally exploded, in her own
pre-apologetic way, and rightfully so. He’d been a jerk, again, and he
knew it.
“Colonel, off the record sir and with all due respect,
I don’t understand. You may not want to talk about it,
him, but I do.
We just lost him, Colonel, and we, you, jumped into this mission so
fast it made my head spin.”
“As it turned out, Major, it was a good thing we did. We saved Thor.”
“Yes
sir, I’m not denying we were needed out there, Colonel. It was just, I
just…” she stopped; what could she say that wouldn’t make her feel
incompetent?
“You just what, Major? Weren’t ready? Weren’t
expecting to go offworld so soon? Hadn’t gotten over losing Daniel?
Tell me, Carter, how long do we need to wait?”
As if stung, Sam looked at the floor, struggling for words.
I don’t know.
“Daniel wasn’t just my teammate, he was my friend. And I thought he was
yours.”
“He was.”
“That
mission could have been suicidal, Colonel, and you barely gave it a
thought. We never even discussed it before you agreed to go. Did you
just want to get back to work in order to forget about Daniel?”
“No. That’s not it, Carter.”
“You wanted a mission to prove we could still go on without him, that
he didn’t matter?”
“That’s not it either.”
“So
explain it to me. I think I deserve that much, sir. You and Teal’c both
seem…” could she say this to her commanding officer? So
cold. What would he
do, reprimand her for her feelings? Get rid of another member of his
team? Shout and swear? “… so distanced.”
Jack
let her sentiments soak in, knowing she’d been pleasantly reserved with
her words. Why, exactly, was he so loath to talk about this? Because it
sounded… flaky? Uncharacteristically naïve? Unbecoming a superior
officer? “Fine, you want to know how I feel? I wake up every morning
remembering what happened to Daniel. Remembering how he died and why.
I’d trade my house and everything I own to argue with him again, to
listen to him rambling on about some long-forgotten myths, to play
chess one last time.”
“So you needed to go on a mission as
quickly as possible to forget about all that?” Carter sounded neither
forgiving, nor pacified.
“No. No,” Jack sighed, “to find out something.” Shut up. Quit it,
Carter, stop pushing. Why should he have to share any of this?
“Sir?”
“Carter,
for someone who can figure out the universe in six seconds flat, this
is taking you a hell of a long time.” When all she did was
look
confused, Jack realized Daniel could read him a lot better than Carter
could. He wasn’t sure if he wanted it that way, now that Daniel was
gone. “Daniel knew he was going to ascend. He said he thought he could
do more that…this… way.”
“So you’re happy for him?” her tone was
confrontational. Just like Teal’c, who thought she ought to be
celebrating? “Happy that he’s up there, enjoying himself, lost to
us?”
“No! Damn it, Carter. Oma helped us out on Kheb, saved our lives. I
thought that’s what Daniel meant.”
“I’m not following.”
“I
wanted to go on a mission asap to find out what Daniel really could do,
see if he’s still with us. To see if he’d save us and the Asgaard from
some big bad treacherous Goa’uld.” To prove Daniel was around watching,
taking care of them, able to make the wind blow and toss lightning
around. To
know it wasn’t just an anomaly in the ventilation system he’d felt that
night.
Sam looked both stunned, and crestfallen. “He didn’t.”
“How do you know?”
That question, coming from the colonel, had stunned her even more, and
rendered Carter speechless.
_____
The
memory flashed by in a rush, and Jack felt that inordinate surge of
relief, realizing again that Daniel was sitting there on his couch,
jeans and blue shirt instead of white, drinking coffee.
Daniel’s voice
snapped him back to the present.
“I couldn’t do what everyone really needed me to do.”
Jack placed his empty bottle quietly, slowly, on the table. Maybe they
had, at the end - at Abydos
-
had overly high expectations of Daniel. But Daniel himself had fuelled
those hopes, most of which he’d mistakenly forced upon himself.
“What’s this all about, really?”
“Tonight I told Teal’c that for
the first time in my life, I feel like I belong somewhere, like I’m
part of something important. Now, here. Descended.”
Jack nodded, holding back a small smile. “About time.”
“What?”
“For an otherwise bright guy, that’s taken you seven years, Daniel.
Crap, that’s half the Simpsons’ run.”
Daniel
gaped for the briefest of moments, then ducked his head to hide a shy
grin. They weren’t ashamed of his ascension faults. They’d really
thought he’d helped them.
He
didn’t see it, but they did. “It’s about me being glad to be back,
Jack.”
“Far as I’m concerned, you never left. Just went on a really odd, far
too long, extremely poorly-run, excavation.”
“I think I unearthed what I was looking for.”
“I
know. Just don’t do it again. Although, next time I might take you up
on that ascension thing, if I’m really, really desperate, seeing as I
can come back again, so be careful what you wish for. And by the way,”
Jack paused to pop open his second bottle, or maybe that was just a
stall, “I’d rather have you helping from down here than up there.” What
the hell; if it meant being able to argue again, listen to boring
myths, and play chess, better to be just a man anyway. “I
do like you better
this way, Daniel. We all do.” He took a swig of his drink. “Welcome
home.”
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