Parts of it just seemed like a dream, he'd been in and out of consciousness so many times. And he had had dreams; odd ones, partly filled with dying and waking up in gardens where all the flowers and leaves were covered in strange symbols.

Other vague memories, some he was almost certain were real, included Sam talking to him as though he were about to die and kissing his face, and all his team members playing tag with each others bodies. That one, he'd found out later, was just a slight distortion of the truth.

But he'd been coherent enough to remember that device, the one now lying in the middle of a pile of papers on the counter, out of the way and seemingly forgotten, as Sam worked on other things down here in the lab.

Daniel walked over to the cabinet and took the tablet into his hands as if it were a cursed idol, glaringly important but intimately loathsome. "I'll keep working on this," he suggested, not knowing if Sam was even listening.

"Leave it, Daniel," she said softly. She knew he'd already tried his best, tried so hard, tried while his body was dying, but nothing had, or would, come of it. Daniel didn't need to become overworked or upset over that device so soon after his traumatic experiences. The man had nearly given up his life, however involuntarily.

"No, Sam, it can't wait. If this really is the answer to fighting the Goa'uld, I need to figure it out. The sooner the better." His memories may have been sparse, but he did remember the frustration of trying to decipher the symbols and solve the language inside this thing. The answer had to be in there somewhere, and this was his job.

"Daniel, Machello said he made it up. You can't possibly connect the symbols to anything you already know." As Daniel shook his head, denying the futility of this self-imposed chore, Sam rose from her task and spoke even more gently, making her way to her friend's side. "Daniel, if the answer was in there, you'd already have found it."

"No. I don't buy that. There has to be some sort of pattern. Machello knew the work we do here at the SGC, he knew we're fighting the Goa'uld. He was on our side. If he'd known we couldn't figure this out why didn't he just show us how it works?"

"Daniel, he was AWOL while you were working on this."

"He came back, Sam."

Not voluntarily. Sam took a deep breath; it was now or never. She'd been hoping for never, hoping that Daniel would just accept the futility of this project and move on. She should have known better. "He offered to show me how to decipher it."

Sharply, Daniel's eyes lifted from the device, wide disbelieving ones making contact with Carter's. Sam lowered hers in guilty admission, a subconscious reaction not lost on Daniel. "He did? But he didn't he have enough time, did he. That's the first thing you should have done when he came back, Sam!" Daniel felt the words sting, and he was almost sorry. What had Machello been doing, while Sam was trying to figure out how to reverse the body transfers? Daniel knew Machello had been useless in assisting, adamant that it couldn't be done, and that it had been Sam who'd ultimately found the answer. Why hadn't they given him a computer, a notepad, anything, on which to reveal and store his notes, instead of letting him sit around wasting his time?

Sam stared at her friend, at a loss for words. She hadn't expected the accusation in Daniel's voice, wasn't prepared to be questioned about this. Hadn't really been sure that Daniel didn't already know, although she realized she'd been naively optimistic. How could he have known? It wasn't the first thing, or the tenth, the colonel or Teal'c or even the general would have voluntarily discussed with him. But Daniel was waiting for a reply, and she had no choice. She took a deep breath and kept the eye contact steady. "He insisted on making a trade for the knowledge, Daniel."

"Trade? For?" What could the SGC possibly have that Machello would have needed?

"You. Permanently."

Daniel knew Machello had enjoyed the time in his body, and had been reluctant to return it. That part was no dream, he was certain. He just hadn't known the rest... the deal.

Sam didn't anticipate the impact.

"What?" Daniel's mouth gaped open, his eyes glaring, and for several moments there was silence. "He would have deciphered the code, in order to stay inside my body?"

Sam nodded. Yes, Daniel had been trapped by a man who was no better than the Goa'uld. Perhaps all those years of fighting them had desensitized Machello's heart into an unintentional acceptance of their ways. Or maybe it just seemed not so bad, when one required the service of host for himself. Machello felt he'd been through so much that he believed he deserved the honour. Exactly a Goa'uld'ish way of thinking. "I'm sorry."

"And you didn't consider the offer?"

Those few words were like a slap in the face, a lightning strike, waking Sam to the effect of the ordeal on Daniel's psyche and self-image. That was not what she'd been expecting to hear. "Daniel - ? We don't trade people. General Hammond made it very clear to him that every life is precious - "

But if Daniel heard the rest of her speech, it was from the hallway. Out the door with the tablet under his arm, he was already gaiting to Hammond's office, his face burning with shame and guilt.

_____

"May I come in?"

"Certainly, Dr. Jackson." Hammond searched the archaeologist's face for any clue as to what this might be about, but could deduce nothing more than an indeterminate edginess. It had only been a day since this young man had nearly lost his life, dying of old age in a body that wasn't his own, and he had hoped Daniel could put the whole ordeal into perspective in the same way he'd shown his strength on so many previous occasions. "What can I do for you?" He motioned for Daniel to have a seat. The young man did so with apparent hesitation, catching the general's attention. The archaeologist seemed almost nervous, now fiddling with that device of Machello's. If Daniel asked for release time to work on it, he'd be wasting his breath.

"General, if I can speak freely…?" Even Daniel flinched at the uncharacteristic words; he was known by his team to always speak his mind, no matter to whom. This time, however, he had only a vague idea of what was going to come out of his own mouth.

He could see Hammond waiting for him to continue.

"Sir, you had a chance to interpret whatever's on here that might effectively conquer the Goa'uld." It was a question and an accusation, folded neatly into one.

"No, son. We were not given a viable option." Was the man still upset at having no place to begin?

"Yes Sir, I think you were. Machello was willing to tell you everything he knew."

"For an unacceptable price."

"My body?"

Hammond nodded. "That was his offer."

"You should have accepted."

"Doctor Jackson?" Hammond's features showed only a fleeting trace of the incredulity he was suddenly experiencing. The emotion slowly turned into the same repulsion he'd felt at the original offer.

"One life to save an entire planet, or planets, General. To vanquish a race that does nothing but kill and destroy, and has caused only hardship across an entire galaxy."

Hammond drew in a breath, taking his time. When finally he spoke, he kept his gaze strictly matched with Daniel's. "Dr. Jackson, as I told Machello, we're not in the business of trading lives. There are times when good men die in the process of defending their country and what they believe in, but if those casualties can be avoided, I will take every precaution to make sure that is what happens. I expect every man and woman who works at this base to feel the same."

Daniel stared for some moments, then nodded slowly and stood.

Hammond knew the young man was not yet convinced. The way Dr. Jackson saw it, a war might have been won with a single sacrifice. "Dr. Jackson, I want you to go home tonight and think about this. I want you to imagine that it was not you whose body Machello took, but that of one of your teammates."

Daniel paused, his eyes growing solemn. Peeking through the cloud in his brain he knew he'd have done everything in his power to get his teammates back, and Machello's device - along with the information they so badly needed - would have seemed trivial in comparison.

But it hadn't been his teammates, it had been him. And while he had no death wish but a strong survival instinct of his own with no desire to die, his heart still believed that the SGC had gotten the short end of the stick.

_____

Daniel answered the knock at his door. He was only mildly surprised. “Jack.”

“Yep.”

The two stood staring, neither knowing what to say.

“Care to invite me in?”

Daniel stood to the side, allowing Jack to make his way to the living room. “Want a beer?”

“You have beer?” Jack turned around to see Daniel still standing by the door. He hadn't moved and the door was ajar, knob still grasped in his hand.

“No.”

“And if I'd said yes?”

Daniel shrugged. “You probably have some at home.”

“That I do. Want me to leave?”

“Depends on why you came.”

Jack nodded, then made himself as comfortable on the couch as he could, considering the awkward tension in the room. Daniel knew why he was there. “You're serious.”

“About?” Finally shutting the door, Daniel made his way into the living room.

“About. About wishing we'd let Machello keep your body, Daniel. About making the trade.”

“Yes.” For the sake of the SGC. For the sake of Earth and all the other planets living in fear of tyrranical rule.

“Daniel, did it ever occur to you Machello didn't intend for us to fight the Goa'uld?”

“No, of course not. He despised them. Why would you even say that?”

“Because if he was really that concerned, he would have given Carter the code anyway.”

“Maybe he intended to, Jack. Maybe he died too soon.” Daniel stood by the window, his focus broodingly on the floor.

“No, Daniel. He didn't have a way to defeat the Goa'uld. He had inventions, ideas, plans, but that's all they were. He had nothing that worked. He was bluffing.”

“What are you talking about? He fought them for decades, even Teal'c said so.”

“Then why are they still out there? Maybe he killed a few, same as we've done. But if he could have gotten rid of them all, don't you think he'd've done that already? Over all those decades? Daniel, you'd have died for nothing, trust me.”

Daniel closed his eyes for a brief moment and then perched on the edge of the couch. Finally, he nodded.

“I understand where you're coming from, Daniel. But no matter what you think, it would never have been worth it. For any of us.”

And deep down, Daniel understood Jack too. He looked up, eyes weary and forgiving. “Want a beer?”

“Thought you don't have any.”

“I don't. I figured we could go to your place.”

“Yeah,” Jack smiled, tapping Daniel affectionately above the knee. “We can.” He rose, stretching out an assisting hand.

Daniel remained seated. “Jack?”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for coming.”

“Sure. You can owe me one.”

“One beer?”

“Visit, Daniel. One visit.”

“You mean, when you need someone to talk some sense into you?”

“Not exactly what I had in mind, but if such a day ever comes… in the far distant future… sure.”

Daniel smiled as he accepted the newly offered hand up. That was as close as he'd come to a profound conversation with the man, but for now it was worth even drinking beer.

As always, next time Jack needed him he'd be the first one to lend a helping hand.

Comments